There are lots of conspiracy theories out there about your DNA & the risk of putting your raw DNA on various websites. Some are valid concerns and some concerns we cannot say with ANY certainty are invalid. Even if they are invalid today, they might be very REAL concerns in 10 years. Or less. But, those are all maybes & conjectures & you can find info on privacy & promises from the DNA service companies all over the internet if you search. I am gonna tell you what you absolutely CAN expect to happen after submitting your DNA freely all over the place.
- A stranger WILL accuse you of being a genetic relative of theirs. It may not hapen right away, but leave your DNA there long enough and an adoptee or donor conceived human is going to find out that you are a path to their creator.
- A stranger may want to convince you to help him/her find their biological parents. They have this strong NEED to have this information. There is an open wound in their souls, and nothing heals it, but once the info they seek is found, the process to heal it can begin. How much convincing they have to do is up to you.
- The biological parent they’re looking for could be your brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa. Or it could be YOU! Didn’t know you had a child out there? Well, now ya do. It’s a bit more difficult to explain this to yourself if you are a female, but if you are a male, it’s not that difficult. Get over it, meet your kid.
- You COULD be exposing all of your relatives to being found by offspring they thought they would never see. There shouldn’t be too many of them, but who knows… how well do you really know people?
- You could have some angry relatives once they find out YOU were the one who spit in a tube & led their offspring to them.
- You could have some very HAPPY relatives once they find out YOU were the one who spit in a tube & led their offspring to them.
- You could save a life. Genetic information sharing is a thing that saves lives. The life you save may be your own.
- You will have to decide if you want to be an accessory to the secrecy. If you do want to just “stay out of it”, do you feel comfortable saying “I am gonna stay out of it, good luck”. If so, your conscience is clear. Do that.
- You will have to decide if you want to be part of the healing of the souls. If you do, say this, “I will help you, I will talk to my relative PRIVATELY, I will be honest about how it goes.”
- You will have to decide whether to make your DNA info private & not allow Ancestry or 23&Me, or whoever, to alert others that you are their relative. You can do this. You can say, “Don’t share my genetic info with genetic matches” and they won’t. You will then get what you want from your DNA and only you can do great things with it. Or not.
Next: You need to decide how many of the potential problems BELONG to you. And, if they are YOUR problems, are they so big that you will deny yourself valuable, even life saving, genetic information? Will you deny it to others?
*This is not an all inclusive list of awkwaEd things that ABSOLUTELY will happen to you if you engage in genetic ancestry. It’s just the things I know because they happened to me. If more things happen to me that aren’t openly and candidly said out loud, I will add them to my list of things.
MY position, you can copy me if you want-
With all that said, it’s obvious what I chose as to my position. I do want all the information about myself that I can get from my DNA. I want all the information about my ancestors that my DNA matches can give me. I want to know all of the things.
I WILL help family members find parents BUT I don’t just start coughing up info at the first 3 sentences of a message from a stranger which was written to alert me to my place in their family tree. I am as smart as I know how to be about this kind of thing.
What if the person contacting you isn’t emotionally or mentally stable? What if they are just gold digging? What if there is no gaping hole in their soul, but just a hole in their wallets? What if they aren’t even who they say they are? Do you have wealthy relatives who might be prey to these offspring? Do you have famous relatives who could become the object of obsession?
You get to ask for the right to get to know this person first, before you help them. If you are closely related to this seeker, such as 2nd or 3rd cousin, chances are that you know exactly who the biological parent is just by being given a few pieces of info. If the seeker was donor conceived in New York… you’d automatically suspect any relative of yours who ever lived in that area. Probably a college student who needed some gas money at the time stopped in & left a deposit at the local sperm bank. Who went to school in that area? Who maybe passed through there on the way to elsewhere? Who was stationed in the military where the seeker was born? Could they have had a few drinks at a bar & gotten carried away before deployment? Was there a falling out in somebody’s relationship, that you happen to be aware of, during the conception time?
Thinking about things like this will lead you to your own possible conclusions. Once you think you’ve got the huckleberry pinned, think about how it might affect their family. Are the persons involved REASONABLE human beings who could handle this with class? Or would they freak out and destroy their lives over it? IS the seeker a democrat & you know the parent is republican? Oh boy, politics & religion make things interesting. Imagine coming from a strictly religious family & your new relative introducing yourself to them as an atheist! Or vice versa! A family needs to be strong and reasonable and of sound mind for this to go over smoothly. If that isn’t the case, it’s gonna be an interesting year for ya’ll.
Personally, I feel that an inclusive society is ideal for humankind. If this person coming to me is reasonable, of sound mind, seems to have overall good intentions, I will help them. I will reach out to the currently concealed family member (easy for me to say because I am not close to ANY of my family members) & get a feel for how the news may be taken. I don’t want to put ANYONE in danger or ruin anyone’s lives, so I am admittedly very much like a wild card since I don’t have emotions tied to any aspect of this. I might decide that my known family member really isn’t what the new seeking family member is expecting. I may act as a buffer. I may take them both by the hand & counsel everybody through it. I may just back out and say, “good luck yall”.
Every case will be different. But, like a doctor who plays a hand in one’s fate: First, do no harm. My personality is that of a mother bear. I first seek to protect & absorb damage, it’s just my nature. If my relative is some rich CEO of something, I am going to be very quiet & very careful about leading people to him/her.
As for conspiracy theories about crimes & somehow being tied to them via stolen DNA, that’s another blog I have an idea for. We may, just for kicks ‘n giggles, explore the possibilities in our imaginations.
My DNA is currently strung up all over the internet. I am not (yet) worried about being tied to crime scenes or having my genes cloned or whatever. I am just not feeling like that is a concern I need to have at this time. In 100 years, will they find out I happened to be near a crime scene & wonder if I knew I was near it? Maybe. Did I sit in a backseat of a car that was later used for murder & mayhem? By then, there won’t be anyone to clear me of wrongdoing & it won’t matter to anyone except my descendants. They will have my 52 Stories book to refer to if they wanna decide whether I was capable of playing any suspicious roles in any crimes. That’s it. That’s what it’ll come to. To my knowledge, I have not been near any crimes, so… as for today, I am going to use my DNA for all its worth to me. When I start to get spooked, I will just go take it all down off the websites I’ve put it onto. Just keep track of where you upload it.
If you’re in, here are the tests I recommend:
And, here are 3rd party sites where I have uploaded my results to get the most out of them: